Lack of creativity

February 23, 2010

This post is a little self-indulgent I’m afraid (above the general background level of self-indulgence). My mind is turning towards my archives and much of my flickr activity of late has consisted of reworkings rather than genuinely new creations. Here’s one: it’s an image originally taken by Crafthole on a walkover for Oxford Archaeology about this time last year. I have run it through my photoshop mill as is plainly evident and not spared the mules :-)

I am not a subtle ‘digital artist’ (a term suggested by a twitterer to describe what I am… not quite happy with it: sounds a bit pretentious… above the general background level of…) and I never am particularly subtle in anything I do. I think this is especially so at the moment, as the first comment on this image shows nicely.

Here is my explanation of why.

I have been suffering a general lack of interest lately and have only picked up my camera in a spirit of true roving photography on one day this year so far. This is for a number of reasons: partly the time of year, partly the absence of Crafthole and the related fact that I’m not in my own home with my own things. Madly I feel GUILTY about this which only makes me feel worse and less likely to have any creative outpourings.

It seems as if Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (the unfulfilment thereof) is really observable in my behaviour. If my creativity is indeed the last thing I will gain when all my other needs are satisfied then I’m powerless at the moment to do anything about it: as far as I can see, when Crafthole gets a job in England and we have our own home again then I can get myself back.

For myself, that sense of support and easy intimacy I DO have with my family but the knowledge that he lacks this entirely at the moment (he lives in a shared house with strangers) really affects me and my ability to relax into it.

My location must be an issue: if I’m not in Dewsbury or Bradford then I’m on the bus between the two. I have no love for either of these places and miss Oxford more than I can possibly say.

There are still the issues of space and privacy and a lack thereof for me at the moment: I share a bedroom with my sister (and by the same token, my sister has had to give up much of her privacy and personal space) and I feel no sense of ownership in my surroundings. I have not really made friends in Bradford, probably my own fault, so I don’t have neutral surroundings like pubs open to me either (even if I had the money to spend, which I don’t). Yes I could make more of an effort, and yes I daresay I could turn it all around for myself if only I had the will. But that’s the key point: I just don’t have the will. In fact I feel drained to the bones. Creativity? Absolutely none.

In an effort to get myself out of my rut I have been (and am) grobbling around in all the archives (that aren’t lost on my broken desktop) and hope to post as much as I can find of these. Going through MY OWN WORK in the search of inspiration sounds a little Garth Marenghi to me, but being creative is all about feeling creative. What do I mean by that? Well, If I feel like a creative sort of person, as I have in the past, then the rest will come, as it has in the past. I can’t be any more persuasive than that at the moment, but it’s not counter-intuitive to suppose that self-perception affects behaviour. How could it not?

Hopefully being a more prolific blog poster will make me more prolific in other ways too, that’s the secret aim of this blog.

(many apologies for my unproductive winging, we all need our outlets)

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