Drawing Office Jingle!

December 18, 2009

The scene is the drawing office. People are working at computers and keep running to collect prints and scan things. A hectic jingle is being played by the orchestra (something like The Typewriter by Leroy Anderson) and people are moving in a choreographed way to the beat. The drawing office staff are chanting together quietly:

ALL:

Cutting and pasting and clipping and scanning!
That’s the drawer’s life, that’s the drawer’s life!
Typing and printing and tracing and planning!
That’s the drawer’s life, that’s the drawer’s life!

Through the door bursts Tim Allen holding a drawing brief in the air and sings to the room:

TIM:

Print that! Change this!
Amend this figure and save it!
Scan this! Trace that!
And all in thirty minutes flat!
I’ll leave now but when I’m back
If it’s not done there’ll be some flack!
And if I decide to change my mind
Well that’s my right, so don’t you whine!

He throws the brief in the tray and leaves the room.

ALL:

Cutting and pasting and clipping and scanning!
That’s the drawer’s life, that’s the drawer’s life!
Typing and printing and tracing and planning!
That’s the drawer’s life, that’s the drawer’s life!

The timed bustle continues until Jon Chandler creeps in to the room with several briefs in his hand and timidly sings:

JON:

I need 38 figs
Drawn up in a Jif
To be gone in the post
In an hour at the most.
I know it’s a pain
And for me it’s a strain
But it’s got to be done somehow
So drop what you’re doing and do this now!

He puts the briefs in to the tray and leaves the room also. The chanting resumes and is repeated as people work, but is background now to a solo from Ros, who slowly leaves the choreographed bustle and moves to the centre of the stage, where she sings:

ROS:

The drawer’s life is a life on the brink,
A life to live fast and there’s no time to think!
We do as we’re told and we don’t complain,
If we did it would only be in vain!

She takes her place back in the office, and another figure drops out of line and stands to the front of the stage. It is Anne:

ANNE:

The drawer’s life is a life of hard work,
Of deadlines and clients who’re going bezerk!
This job is insane, the stress drives me mad,
Sometimes I could scream when I have to use CAD *screams*

The next person to stand is Pete:

PETE:

A drawer’s life is a life on the rocks,
If you’re expecting a good wage, you’re in for a shock!
The money is poor and the workload is great,
And if you want change, it’ll be a long wait!

At this point John Chandler pops his head round the door and very timidly sings:

JON:

I hate to cause stress,
But I’m sure you can guess,
That I need to add more
To the job I gave before.
An extra 17 tasks,
That’s not much to ask!
I’ll leave the briefs here, then off I go,
On holiday for 3 weeks to the coast of Rio!

He rips off his suit to reveal a full tourist holiday outfit (Hawaiian shirt, white shorts etc), puts on a pair of sunglasses and throws the briefs in the air. At this point hundreds of briefs come raining down from above on stage, and everybody looks dismayed and stressed.

ALL:

Cutting and pasting and clipping and scanning!
That’s the drawer’s life, that’s the drawer’s life!
Typing and printing and tracing and planning!
That’s the drawer’s life, that’s the drawer’s life!

Rod Redhouse now makes his entrance.

ROD:

Ok! Listen up people for I have something to saaaaaaaaaaay!
There’s a new girl coming, oh yeah, coming this waaaaaaaaaaaay!
I’ve given her the job to make all our lives more coooooooooooooooool!
She can do DOBS work – she ain’t no foooooooooooooooooooool!

A desk appears from the wings with a girl seated  behind it. She leaves her desk, shakes everyone’s hands and takes a paper from the DOBS tray. With this in her hand she walks to the centre stage, into a spotlight, and sings:

ANNIE:

A drawer’s life is the life that I want
I love scanning in maps and playing with fonts!
I’m quick on the draw when the finds come in
The rush of the deadline leaves my heart racing!

She walks round the office and is introduced to all the staff who are all very pleased to see her and greet her enthusiastically.

We’re the Drawing Office; that’s who we are!
Come on give us your work: you just see if we care!
You want a report? Go on: bring it to me!
We’re not scared of stuffy consultancy!

We’ll battle with your work like we’re fighting a war
There’s nothing you can show us that we’ve not seen before!
There’s nothing you can give us that we cannot do
Just face it consultancy: we’re stronger than you!

Suddenly the office is a vibrant exciting place and the chorus now becomes a positive one. They all go about their work very efficiently and with pleasure.

ALL:

Cutting and pasting and clipping and scanning!
That’s the drawer’s life, that’s the drawer’s life!
Yeah! Typing and printing and tracing and planning!
That’s the drawer’s life, yeah! that’s the drawer’s life!

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